(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
(TICKING)
-(GASPS)
-(SCREAMS)
Dude, what's with the gasp?
You almost gave me
a heart attack, yo.
Did you hear that?
No, that's why your gasp
was so unsettling.
You don't gasp
when it's quiet.
You just don't do that.
It scares us.
But it's never this quiet.
That is not the good reason
for the gasping, Robin!
Yeah, bro, how do you like it?
-(GASPS)
The gasp!
I had to gasp, Titans, when
I realized why it's so quiet.
Cyborg is missing!
-(ALL GASP)
-See?
It has been sometime since
I heard the "booyah!"
And it's unlike him
to disappear
without telling us really
loudly where he's going.
You think he's in trouble?
There's only one way to
find out, the Titan Tracker!
I implanted one in each of you
without either your
knowledge or consent.
Oh, so that is what
my glowy bulge friend is!
(BEEPING)
Bad news! Wait for it.
Three-two-one.
Cyborg is in
the H.I.V.E. Tower!
(ALL GASP)
Now I ask you,
does anything feel better
than an appropriate gasp?
Why would Cyborg be
in the H.I.V.E. Tower?
Why don't we ask Gizmo?
I was wondering how long
it would be before you noticed
your friend was missing.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
If you don't meet
our ransom demands,
you'll never see him again!
(ALL GASP)
Another great gasp, Titans.
Are you telling them
you kidnapped me?
You couldn't kidnap me
if you tried.
Hey, Titans! I'm just
hanging here with my girl...
(MUFFLED)
I think he said
Jinx was trying to hang him!
(ALL GASP)
We really have those
gasps going now, Titans.
If you want to see him again,
you'd better have my ransom.
We must save the Cyborg.
-(GASPS)
-What was that gasp for?
That one was for no reason.
(ALL GASP)
Now, let's save Cyborg.
(ALL GASP)
(CYBORG MUFFLED TALKING)
Oh, man!
Why did you do that?
Now my mouth tastes like
your hand smells.
Argh! Malodorous!
(CRASHES)
And you're crazy if you think
they're gonna pay
a ransom for me.
Well, how would I look
if they knew I was just
letting you hang around?
Like a little baby
wearing a jet pack?
(GRUNTS) I'm sick of your
boyfriend coming over here,
eating our food
and sitting on our couch!
He needs to leave!
Why don't you leave?
No, you leave.
-You leave!
BOTH: You leave!
-I said you leave!
-You leave!
-You leave, leave...
-CYBORG: (SING-SONGY)
You leave, leave...
You, you, you, you, you leave!
Leave! You, you, you leave!
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
You two have so much
in common.
You love computers.
You're always inventing
those little gadgets.
Why can't you be friends?
-Because we can't!
-Yeah, that's why.
Fine! But I better not catch
either of you messing
with each other.
-Okay.
-All right.
-Fine!
-Whatever.
-Sure.
-All righty then.
Okay!
(IN DEJECTED VOICE) Okay...
-Whatever.
-Okie-dokie...
-All right!
-A'ight.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Okie-dokie, then.
-Whatever you say.
-It's all right.
-(LOUD EXPLOSION)
-Oh, hey, guys!
Operation Tin Man is a go!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(BEEPS)
ALL: Whoa!
ROBIN: We'll be back
for you, Cyborg...
Cool! I'll be here till
around 8:00 or 8:30.
-Wait, did you want
to finish that movie?
-(GRUNTS)
Make it 9:00!
Listen carefully, H.I.V.E.
I have a plan
to destroy Jump City.
-And the first step is...
-First step?
Aw, you took your first step?
Next we're gonna get you
on the potty!
(ALL GIGGLING)
Does he have to be here while
we plot our evil schemes?
Yes, we talked about this.
Fine!
My plan starts
with this!
-(SCRAMBLING)
-(GRUNTS)
-(BABY COOING)
-(BOTH SNICKERING)
(BABY COOING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)
-(BABY COOING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
This obviously is not
part of the plan!
Well, it should be
because it's adorable!
(ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY)
(GRUNTING)
Cyborg!
(CHUCKLES) Great plan,
fearless leader.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BEEPING)
I really appreciate you
listening to me vent.
I'm hanging on
every word, baby.
-Uh!
-(POWERING DOWN)
Cyborg? Cyborg?
Hello?
(SNICKERING)
Ugh! Is this your hilarious
way of telling me
you don't care?
(GRUNTS) Hey!
What's your problem?
I don't know what
my problem is.
But clearly there
is a problem.
(GRUNTING)
What are you doing?
I... Whoa! Don't know...
(GRUNTS) But I don't like it.
(CRYING)
(CHUCKLES)
Maybe I can do something
about that volume.
(TALKING AT NEAR-MUTE VOLUME)
Why are you
acting so weird, Cy?
(IN AUTOMATED VOICE)
Because I am a big dumb-jerk,
with a big dumb jerk face.
We should break up.
I am spending too much
time here and annoying
your friends.
Booyah! Booyah! Booyah!
(STUTTERING) Booyah!
(FARTING) Oh!
I don't like this side
of you, Cyborg.
(POWERS DOWN)
(GIZMO LAUGHING)
Love it!
Hmph!
Okay, Titans.
Our first mission to save
Cyborg didn't work.
Time to turn to my skills
as a master of disguise.
(YODELLING MUSIC PLAYING)
Raven, what's our cover story?
-We're just some...
-In character!
(GERMAN ACCENT)
We are the German tourists
and we are wanting
to use the bathroom, please.
Excellent, and...
What's your name, Beast Boy?
Uh, Beast Boy? Ow!
-Are you trying
to get us killed?
-(CLEARS THROAT)
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
My name is Dieter.
My Papa runs a chocolate shop
on ze Hamburg.
And what about you, Fraeulein?
I am also eating
the hamburger.
You do not eat the hamburger!
You are the hamburger.
You live in Hamburg!
Get it straight, Fraeulein!
Or we all die!
Stick to our story
and we just might be able
to pull this off.
-You guys ready?
-ALL: Ja!
(YODELLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL RINGS)
Who is it?
(IN POOR GERMAN ACCENT)
We are weary travelers
with an interesting story...
Go away! No solicitors!
-Who was that?
-I don't know.
-(GRUNTS)
-(GIGGLES)
Now don't think I don't know
that you two have been
pranking each other.
BOTH: What?
You two are gonna
hang out until you're cool
with each other.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(BEEPING)
Ugh! Your room's boring.
You got a rattle I can
play with or something?
(SCOFFS) No rattles.
Just devices to destroy
the Titans with.
(SCREAMS)
-(CHUCKLES) How's that
gonna destroy us?
-(DRONE SPUTTERING)
It's a surveillance drone.
I'm gonna use it
to find your weaknesses.
(SCOFFS) It's too loud!
We'd hear it coming
from a mile away.
Here, give it to me.
(LOW WHIRRING)
Whoa! How'd you do that?
You're not the only
gadget genius.
Now, watch.
Don't worry, Cyborg,
help is coming.
We just need
to upgrade the arsenal.
Starting with these guns...
Hah! Look at those pecs!
They're positively glistening.
Booty quake-shake!
Booty quake-shake! Hoo-ha!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Mmm... Huh?
(CHOMPS)
-(YELPS)
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
BOTH: Oh!
-(BEEPING)
-(GASPS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
CYBORG: Oh, my gosh.
It's nice to finally see
my boys getting along.
I told you, you have
a lot in common.
I should have kidnapped
you a long time ago, dude.
You can say that again.
If Robin calls
about that ransom,
add some fries for me.
-I'm getting hungry.
-For you, I'll make it
chili fries.
Best friends?
Nah! Best friends forever.
(BLUBBERING)
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
Hi! You wanted a ransom
for Cyborg?
Well, here it is!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(GASPS)
Little buddy!
(ROBIN LAUGHING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(BUZZING)
(GRUNTING)
Hey, anyone know
what time it is?
(BEAST BOY READING)
Who wants non-meat?
I want non-meat!
Get some tofu in your grill!
(BRAYS)
I want non-meat
that's pretending to be meat!
Then give these veggie dogs
a good home, yo!
(BARKS)
Ooh, I want the non-meat
that I can eat!
Then dip into this
vegetarian chili, yo!
I just want to read.
Sounds like you need
some carrots for
your peepers, mama.
-(GRUNTS)
-(SQUEAKS)
(SCREAMING)
And Raven ruins another party.
This non-meat party
is not a party.
It's stupid and derivative.
Why do you have to be
so mean all the time?
You guys
don't even like non-meat.
Of course we don't.
We're just being nice
to Beast Boy.
So you're lying to him?
That's not nice.
Oh, but I do love
the vegetarian chili.
Ugh! If you love it so much,
why don't you marry it?
Marry the chili?
I do love it the so much.
And I could see us
building the life and
growing old together.
What a happy, happy life
we will have together,
dear chili...
Oh, great. Now I have to be
the mean one
and explain to her
why she can't marry
a pot of chili.
Man, I am super-excited
about Star's wedding!
It's just so nice when
a beautiful woman
and a dashing pot of chili
find true love.
There's not
gonna be a wedding.
(GASPS) Did they break up?
No! Raven's just being
mean again.
Phew! So, mama,
you wanna be my date?
I am not going
to a chili wedding.
Would you come if
Starfire was marrying a
chicken-parmesana sandwich?
No.
-What if Starfire
married some soup?
-No.
-Rice and beans?
-You guys are starting
to annoy me.
-Hot dogs?
-Last warning.
Corn on la cob.
(GROANS)
(BOTH GROANING)
Hello, hello, hello!
Ugh! My day just keeps
getting better.
What do you want, Dad?
I sensed you causing
great pain and suffering
to your friends and thought,
"Hey, maybe you're finally
ready to devour their souls,
"and join me
in the destruction
of this pitiful world."
Nope.
Why don't you want to destroy
anything with your
father anymore?
Because I'm a nice person.
You? Nice?
(LAUGHING)
Wait, wait, wait...
(LAUGHING)
I'm sorry, Raven,
but you are mean.
It's the half demon in you.
Maybe I'm not nice,
but I'm not mean either.
I'm "nean."
"Nean"?
(STAMMERS) Are we just
making up words now?
I can do that too.
Look, I'm a real
Bluzo kind of guy.
"Nean" is being nice
by being mean.
I tell it like it is
when people
are acting ridiculous.
That's dumb. Stop it.
Everybody needs
a "nean" person in their life.
And I'm the neanest.
You're being such
a norblem right now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought we were still
making up fake words.
See, now you're being mean.
Exactly!
And you should be too.
But if you don't want to,
-so be it!
-(EXCLAIMS)
Something tells me
you're about to have
a nice day, Raven.
(LAUGHING)
What's so funny?
I made a pun that will make
sense to you later.
Maybe we'll share
a "nice" laugh about it.
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
Hey, what time is it?
(BEAST BOY READING)
I cannot. I'm in a committed
non-meat relationship.
Non-meat will upset my belly.
I really just want to know
what time it is.
(GROANS) And I know,
Raven doesn't want any.
I want non-meat.
-You do?
-I do?
If you say so, mama.
Mmm...
Keep that non-meat comin'.
Participating in one of
Beast Boy's inane activities.
Why are you
being so nice, Raven?
I don't know.
Whatever the reason,
it means the world to me,
mama.
Tofu in your face!
Uh-oh. I know that look,
Beasty. Run!
-(SNARLS)
-(SCREAMS)
Don't leave me hangin'.
Yeah!
Beast Boy, you so crazy!
What is happening to me?
(SLURPS) Mmm...
(WHISTLING) Oh!
Hope I'm not interrupting.
I just wanted to congratulate
the chili on his
upcoming nuptials.
(GIGGLES) Then I shall
give you a moment to do the
"Bro-out."
Well, you won her heart
fair and square, my good man.
So you think you can steal
Starfire from me
just by being delicious?
Do you? Huh? Huh?
You think you're so hot.
Well, let's see how hot
you can get.
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
Looks like
you're starting to sweat.
What'd you say?
Come on bro, say it again.
Say it to my face.
(SCREAMING) Chili!
(CRYING) Oh, it burns!
Something strange
is happening to me.
When did I start
being so nice?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Friend Raven,
do you have a moment?
Uh, of course, I do. Ugh!
I realize you have the doubts
about my engagement,
but the chili and I hope you
will join us for the wedding.
Of course, I won't.
It's your wedding, Star.
Really?
I was having the
second thoughts, but
if you are so supportive
it must be
the right thing to do.
As long as you're happy,
I'm happy.
Wonderful.
Oh, the chili will be
so happy to hear
we have your blessings.
STARFIRE: Chili!
(SCREAMING)
(CHUCKLING)
So you get my little pun now?
Remember? "Have a nice day"?
-I cursed you so you
could only be nice.
-Why?
To force you
to make a decision.
Be nice or be mean.
No more this "nean" stuff.
It's not a word.
Thank you for taking
an interest in me,
but I'll have to
get back to you.
Very well. Before I go,
can I get a hug?
(GROANING) Oh.
Oh! That's a good one.
(CHUCKLES)
Now, who's the best daddy
in the world?
You are! Ugh!
(CHUCKLES) I kind of
like you this way.
(SOBBING)
Ugh.
What's wrong, Robin?
(SOBBING) Starfire.
I've lost her forever.
That chili is just
too awesome.
It's not too late, you know.
You'll help me sabotage
the wedding?
You don't need
to sabotage anything.
You just need to be yourself.
-But that chili is so cool.
-So are you.
You have so much to offer.
You're right. (SNIFFLING)
I am pretty great.
Thanks, Raven.
Wow. I feel good
because I made him feel good.
Maybe being nice isn't so bad.
Hey, nice face.
-Thanks.
-(GIRL SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
-(GASPING)
-Great magic trick.
(SCREECHING)
Aw! Cute baby.
-(CHOMPING)
-(SPITTING)
Thanks for
the delicious hot dog.
(SNIFFING)
Raven! Flowers?
Are you actually
enjoying yourself?
Being nice is nice.
This was the best thing
you've ever done for me.
Oh, please.
You're only saying that
because of a stupid curse
I put on you.
No, Dad. I don't need
your curse to be nice anymore.
(GASPS)
This is not what I intended.
I must remove the curse.
You'll have to catch me first.
-(SCREAMING)
-(GRUNTING)
(RAVEN GRUNTING)
Give me that curse!
Well, if it's
the nice thing to do.
(SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
Oh, no. A reverse curse.
And I'm back to normal.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd appreciate if you'd
never bother me again.
Of course, honey.
You need your space.
(STUTTERING) I understand
completely, boo-boo kitty.
(GROANING)
Now, I'm being nice.
How could my plan
backfire so badly?
Yeah, I would have told you
your plan was dumb,
but I couldn't
because it wouldn't
have been nice.
That's why the world needs
"nean" people, Dad,
to keep dumb people
from doing dumb things
all the time,
speaking of which,
I need to go.
Oh, and Dad, have a nice day.
(FANFARE PLAYING
OUT-OF-TUNE)
(SNIFFLING)
(CRYING)
(BELCHING)
Everyone, may I have
your attention, please?
I'd like to say a few words.
This chili wedding
is super dumb.
There. Someone had to say it.
(ALL GASP)
I knew this chili wasn't
good enough for you. Ha!
I was kind of thinkin' that,
but I didn't want to be mean.
Me too, brah. Me too.
You have ruined
the chili wedding, Raven.
(SIGHS) Thank you.
I did not really love
the chili.
Well, someone had to be
the "nean" one.
(ALL CHEERING)
There, there, chili.
I know it hurts now,
but the right girl for you
is still out there.
Come on, let's go grab
some ice cream.
(CHUCKLES)